I hate going on about this, but it’s a bit like trying to get a bad taste out of my mouth. This blog is my mental granite, my Wrigley’s Extra (the blue one), my Euthymol. OK, enough with the imagery. But while I’ve mentioned it, holy fresh feeling Batman, is Euthymol good. Really. I shall never look back.
Gah. Consultants. Small minded people. I have to try and avoid thinking about work at the weekend, it’s not healthy. This weekend, my good mood has been threatened about three times with recollections of last week’s collection of prize ‘pearlers’. I’m talking about questions and comments so ludicrous that you have to look over your shoulder to see if you’re being wound up by a crank caller with a camera crew. I could recount them all, but it’s kind of a ‘you had to be there’ thing. I keep thinking of the question asked of a caller in Channel 4’s The IT Crowd – “I’m sorry… are you from the past?”.
The thing is, I think they think I’m slow in the head, these people. They have a tendency to throw me off altogether when they come out with something award-winningly doltish. I have to collect myself for a moment, pick my jaw up off the desk, and respond using words of no more than two syllables and the sincerest tone I can muster. It’s just the pause while I collect myself. I hear this feeble little voice in my ear – “you still there?”. I’m gibbering. Silently, but I’m gibbering.
And I think I’ve got it bad. Someone I know has to deal with irritating Italian pornographers and snooty chess grand masters.
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